I'm going to try very, very hard to resist the urge to go back and edit this for completeness. I hope to preserve this as is for a long time for reference and stealing for future campaigns (and maybe even one day… a return?)
Until then, I leave you with two things: first, Danny (Knolan)'s sketch of the party which will be updated as he completes more of it, and a list of all the humorous quotes we wrote down. Enjoy.
* "Bacon!" in response to the question about what heals wolves
* "It's an Owlbear; it's only attracted to death."
* "The One-Eyed Dog Inn."
* "Tree orcs are delicious!"
* "McKrogles. Ba dab a da ba!"
* "The former keeper of the Red Dragon's name translates to 'He who is supposed to be cooked.' "
* "Put it in my chest!" –Dulin
* "I really want to f* the Gelatinous Cube…"
* "Did you forget your character's paralyzing fear of gelatinous cubes?"
* "Eye-ray of Opportunity"
* "It's the wang of returning."
* "George Forman Portable Forge."
* "Alright, everyone can flirt!" – Dave
* (nerd voice) "To the Player's Handbook!"
* "Gentleman Warlock- dark magics in one hand, brandy snifter in the other"
* "Sleeping, Sliding, Ceridan…" – Josh
* "I'm well aware of your pushing & dragging statistics." – Dave
* "Wait, can I touch myself and then attack?"
* "It loves you by hitting you with its hammer-hand!"
* "Roll a strap-on check!"
* "Second Breakfast the dragon."
* "Make half-dragons, not war." – Dave
* "You're in your Inn."
* "Monk / Fighter-pilot"
* "No, he full-orc, he just half-brained."
* Lopslap (danny), Dumbkof (becky), Dimsum (jacob), and Upchuk (josh) from the town Smashkroblunkzerk. The Orcs will never pick up on the fact that those are fake names.
* "Put the whores in the table."
* "Good thing the monks didn't study Iron Body."
* "What could be more useful than a quadriplegic Bard?"
* "Do the Chewbacca."
* "Altivar Alimus Knollbutt"
* "Josh farts blood of virgins."
* "Warlock spell: Why is it raining spiders?"
* Player: "Is she still having sex?" DM: "Yes."
* "The Bronze Order is known for their tasty Bards."
* "Gin burps are delicious"
* "You're on the ground and a shark."
* "It's 4th Edition: more nudity, showers, and peeing."
* "Scales of Just-ass"
* "The Benevolent Hippo – or Bella Popo in Elven."
* "Elf + bathtub of hot water = chamomile tea"
* "Are you ready to….ROCKS falling on your head!" – Knolan
* "Snuffleuppagus the Elephant" the Druid's final animal companion.